Taking my locs out was a good decision for that day. Although I questioned why I didn't immediately regret it, I grew to understand that I couldn't force my hair to do something it clearly didn't want to do. It sounds a bit contrived, but I am growing to have a mentality in which I respect the integrity of my hair during the locing journey.
I've re-twisted my hair again, this time without focusing on perfect parts or thicker size, rather, I grabbed smaller non uniformed sections and I've approached this with a leniency and willingness to negotiate with my hair.
Now that we have an understanding, I feel like inspired to handle the rest of my life with the same level of confidence and un-manipulated action. I will try to stop forcing things to be a certain way, and accept myself without prejudice.
That being said, I feel like I should briefly touch upon the events of last night. I went to a birthday party for my friend. While I previously berated others for their unrestrained behavior and held myself to unnatural standards of chastity and sobriety, I found myself unraveling a bit last night: and that is totally okay.
Judgement, Guilt, Shame, Questions, Regret--never occurred to me and have yet to appear. I honestly don't feel the need to excuse myself for anything at all.
To bind myself to conscience is to hermitize my spirit and ultimately disrespect the capacities of existence.
