Temple University

I'm sitting in the library right now. Evaluating.

Evaluating myself. and my Decisions, made under the naturally rebellious nature of a teenager. Luckily, my revolt hadn't come in the form of drug abuse or alcohol even. just a simple yearning to break free from my version of norm.

I've left home. and am in the dawn of my real college experience at Temple University.

So far, It has it's pros and cons. I haven't yet begun classes (they start tomorrow8/31) but i have been in my dorm since Thursday(8/27) and have met my roommates.

When I moved in (I didn't cry when my mom left, if you were wondering), I was struck with a feeling of surreal elation, with a hint of pending bewilderment. At the time, it felt like i had exhaled the wind of an elongated summer, and i was ready to inhale the sweet breath of freedom. At this point I'm at the bottom of my jar of excitement, with only a few swigs swishing around. I'm saving those for when I start class, get my first A, find a boyfriend...etc.

My etc from last night was a Keri Hilson/Dream concert. And though enjoyable, i only realized mid-clap/dance/laugh/smile/all things fun, that the people I usually share enjoyment with weren't there.....my roommates are great--Dont get it twisted, I just realized that I wished my old friends and family were there....

In related news, i woke up this morning thinking, "I should hang out with raneen, sam, fatima and kiki today"

Too bad I can't. But I do realize you can't have it all. I love philly, the campus, my dorm. I just need to take my mind off missing the fam...hmm then there are those guys with the long goatees mmmmhmmm!

I shaved my head

So yesterday i undertook the tedious task of removing my braids. it took long, yes, but i had a goal in sight; the aim was to revisit the natural state of my hair. as i was unweaving, i envisioned a thick, ebony cotton crown, with a lush texture and some added length to be unveiled after being braided for two months.

instead i found my self picking through rough, dry akward lenghth-ed, and totally lifeless wires sprouting from my scalp. i figured after a deep conditioning, i might relieve some of the kinks and i would deal with the permed ends accordingly in my quest to natural hair.

but i didnt. i stepped out of the shower after the final rinse to my great dismay, and felt an utter sense of resignation for the state of my hair.

i then decided it was time to start fresh. not wanting to make rash decisions on a hot head, i decided that if i felt the same by the morning i would just shave it all off.

i consulted with my mother and she said it was a bad idea... i wasnt suprised. she equates long silky straight hair with social acceptance and overall success (which is pretty much what all mom's want for their children).

and so i resumed my inner-self pact and awoke the next day (thurs) unhappy with the damaged frizzball hiding underneath my du-rag, i hacked it off with scissors and buzzed it all away, along with every care of social confines and the classic "fitting in" mentality. who the hell cares? I'm still me whether i look like a barbie doll or a cue-ball anyway. i couldnt hide my personality behind any look.

people always percieve others based on their appearance. but thats for ordinary people who have nothing more to offer than their looks. im sure if you took that away from them there would be nothing left... or so they think. i intend to find out what's beyond my exterior, and exude the extraordinary from WITHIN. sit on that.

I should Really be sleeping but...It's far too hot.

Apparently there was a meteor shower tonight? i dont think i would be able to see it from here anyway.inside. lol

i have 16 days or so until school starts. and i still dont have all the supplies i need. so i promised my mother i wouldnt go to bed until i finished putting together a list and all the prices: im almost done.

i thought my dad was going to take me shopping tomorrow. but i guess that isnt really happening. i wish at this point i could be a little more self sufficient. but when i get to school, get a job, get my stuff together then ill be ok.

i apologize for all the grammatical mistakes here. im way too tired to be all literary.... i dont even care at this point.

goodnight.