Temple University

I'm sitting in the library right now. Evaluating.

Evaluating myself. and my Decisions, made under the naturally rebellious nature of a teenager. Luckily, my revolt hadn't come in the form of drug abuse or alcohol even. just a simple yearning to break free from my version of norm.

I've left home. and am in the dawn of my real college experience at Temple University.

So far, It has it's pros and cons. I haven't yet begun classes (they start tomorrow8/31) but i have been in my dorm since Thursday(8/27) and have met my roommates.

When I moved in (I didn't cry when my mom left, if you were wondering), I was struck with a feeling of surreal elation, with a hint of pending bewilderment. At the time, it felt like i had exhaled the wind of an elongated summer, and i was ready to inhale the sweet breath of freedom. At this point I'm at the bottom of my jar of excitement, with only a few swigs swishing around. I'm saving those for when I start class, get my first A, find a boyfriend...etc.

My etc from last night was a Keri Hilson/Dream concert. And though enjoyable, i only realized mid-clap/dance/laugh/smile/all things fun, that the people I usually share enjoyment with weren't there.....my roommates are great--Dont get it twisted, I just realized that I wished my old friends and family were there....

In related news, i woke up this morning thinking, "I should hang out with raneen, sam, fatima and kiki today"

Too bad I can't. But I do realize you can't have it all. I love philly, the campus, my dorm. I just need to take my mind off missing the fam...hmm then there are those guys with the long goatees mmmmhmmm!

I shaved my head

So yesterday i undertook the tedious task of removing my braids. it took long, yes, but i had a goal in sight; the aim was to revisit the natural state of my hair. as i was unweaving, i envisioned a thick, ebony cotton crown, with a lush texture and some added length to be unveiled after being braided for two months.

instead i found my self picking through rough, dry akward lenghth-ed, and totally lifeless wires sprouting from my scalp. i figured after a deep conditioning, i might relieve some of the kinks and i would deal with the permed ends accordingly in my quest to natural hair.

but i didnt. i stepped out of the shower after the final rinse to my great dismay, and felt an utter sense of resignation for the state of my hair.

i then decided it was time to start fresh. not wanting to make rash decisions on a hot head, i decided that if i felt the same by the morning i would just shave it all off.

i consulted with my mother and she said it was a bad idea... i wasnt suprised. she equates long silky straight hair with social acceptance and overall success (which is pretty much what all mom's want for their children).

and so i resumed my inner-self pact and awoke the next day (thurs) unhappy with the damaged frizzball hiding underneath my du-rag, i hacked it off with scissors and buzzed it all away, along with every care of social confines and the classic "fitting in" mentality. who the hell cares? I'm still me whether i look like a barbie doll or a cue-ball anyway. i couldnt hide my personality behind any look.

people always percieve others based on their appearance. but thats for ordinary people who have nothing more to offer than their looks. im sure if you took that away from them there would be nothing left... or so they think. i intend to find out what's beyond my exterior, and exude the extraordinary from WITHIN. sit on that.

I should Really be sleeping but...It's far too hot.

Apparently there was a meteor shower tonight? i dont think i would be able to see it from here anyway.inside. lol

i have 16 days or so until school starts. and i still dont have all the supplies i need. so i promised my mother i wouldnt go to bed until i finished putting together a list and all the prices: im almost done.

i thought my dad was going to take me shopping tomorrow. but i guess that isnt really happening. i wish at this point i could be a little more self sufficient. but when i get to school, get a job, get my stuff together then ill be ok.

i apologize for all the grammatical mistakes here. im way too tired to be all literary.... i dont even care at this point.

goodnight.

A Little Poem

I wrote this little morsel on http://www.writerhymes.com

A Little Poem

Who are you?
The little zhou.

You go so farJust like Alvar
Take me as wellMy friend Ardelle

I wish I CouldThe way you stood.
It Wasn't RightDon't ever Slight.

Please Please

Don't Make Me Go.

Appearances

SO I WAS just thinking about my job and stuff when I made this video. I probably spoke with more Emotion than rationality lol. But get annoyed when I'm asked to follow a "trendy" dress code. It's not that I don't like fashion, it just seems so shallow, as if looks are everything. Oh well it's not for long any way.

I just spent the day on the web making my Vlog and other youtube stuff. Anyway I saw that Pretty Ricky Spectacular "Gets tipsy" video. WoW. LMAO! This dude is beyond beyond. I like listening to Pretty Ricky and I know they are Very intune with their sexual sides in their music but DAMN. Spectacular really went overboard in this Video. HE'S WEARING RED PANTIES!!!!

Everyone needs to watch this mess. He probably thought he was doing something cool by challenging Bow Wow, Omarion, Trey Songz and all the other RnB kids to a Grinding Duel or whatever. (lol "I shall Grind Thee into Dust!!)I dunno what this fool was thinking but he looked a little but gay in this vid. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but... he didn't really do a good thing for Pretty Ricky.

I thought I saw one of them at Red Lobster the other day too...

On the Legacy of Leaves

This is a Poem I wrote about 3 yrs ago... I entered it in some contests and It is probably a work in progress, but it is still a very important poem to me.

The Legacy of Leaves

These withered hands that built the Earth

Are cupped to offer all their worth
To we Young Buds who come from birth;
Into a world of strife and sin
Of trees that rattle in the wind
To shake the old leaves down
So to cast them on the ground
While young buds sleep safe and sound
In cradles of blissful ignorance;
Blanketed by sheer innocence

Into leaves we young buds grow
However, little do we know,
As those old leaves are drying brown
We just neglect to hear the sound
Of their voices
Rustling in the autumn breeze.

It seems the farther that we stray
The more those old leaves have to say
And now that they will soon be dust,
Our deed to listen is a must
This tragic circle we
can defeat
By ending history’s repeat
So next time winds blow listen well
For leaves have many things to tell
And these are lessons to behold
That prove more valuable than gold.

Good Morrow

I shall bid you all good morrow. As the School days are now complete for a summer spell, so begins the vacation of a lifetime! I'm sitting here with my sister Victoria and she smells like morning melons. {this is a strange post guys}

She made a fantastic fruit salad.

Oh God, You know when you leave a nail polish open? You try to convice yourself that you didnt do it but deep inside you know youre the culprit. i hate that. and you feel like you can go back in time and undo it.

What is with Gym tests in high school? ridiculous. and i need some damn followers. sheesh....