My 20th Birthday!

YOU KNOW WHEN someone asks how it feels to be another year older when your birthday comes? Most of the time you feel the same so you just reply "iono...the same"

Well today (yesterday,the 27th) was my 20th birthday and it feels great. I'm no longer a teenager, the adolescent insecurities and shortcomings are behind me, and I'm ready to begin living the life of a person who knows who she is and what she wants.

When people tell interesting stories about when they were young, they usually occur during the 20's, and when people lie about their age, they pretend to be 20; so bring it on prime decade!

I know that being 20 is not much besides what I make of it, but I'm glad to have been alive for two decades! Life has been pretty good to me, and at this point I can look back and now turn a new page for the rest of my youth. I intend on living it up and being the best me I can be!

And in related news: This is a video recount of how I spent my Birthday.

word? Is this really the still shot?

LOC TOC: Monthiversary

TODAY MARKS the one month anniversary of my hair being in these little locs. I washed yesterday, very thoroughly with clarifying shampoo and retwisted my locs with a light holding gel one by one, placing clips at the roots.

I then sat uder the dryer for about 45 minutes to dry. Once I got out, I kept the clips in for another hour just for good measure. I removed the clips and saw that my twists are about one centimeter longer than they were last month!

The journey of a thousand steps continues.......

LOC TOC: False Alarm

I HAD one little twist at the nape of my neck that I thought had locked. But it didn't.

It's been 3 weeks. I washed my hair already. It was too itchy to tolerate. My hair held up alright though so I think it's okay to wash.

In Other News: I'm finally done with my finals and I'm not so sure how I did for the semester but I have a regrettable sense of apathy for my grades right now. All I care about is seeing my family and friends.

The Lovely Bones Movie Comes out Jan. 15th!

TWO QUALMS: I don't like they've casted this Menudo member lookin boy to play Ray Singh. He's supposed to be Indian. Is that a perm?I don't get it.

Also, why is Markie Mark playing Susie's father? He looks like he just walked over from the set of 'Invincible' OR 'Boogie Nights' and just never left (What is with him and 70's movies?)

Besides all that, I'm really anticipating this movie (Jan. 15) because I loved the book and I am one of those people who reads and then watches film adaptations with a discerning eye.

Things I Hate About People: Arrogance

I'M NOT APOLOGETIC about any of what I'm about to say. I guess in order to be a good editorialist you need to have some conviction.

As you may know, I'm in college. And most college aged people are at a point where we are meeting new people. So I guess when we start to mingle with others our age, yet from all over the country, we want to portray a certain level of self importance; we want to be confident and show our peers that we are worth befriending.

However, some people get a little carried away when they are trying to give off an educated and worldly first impression of themselves and they start to seem arrogant and pretentious.

They'll ask you about music, and scrunch up their nose when you say that you actually like what they call, "mainstream stuff." - I find nothing wrong with listening to music from the radio. It doesn't make me a sheep. I like what I like, whether it comes from the radio or from somebody's YouTube Channel. Even if I did exclusively listen to "mainstream stuff," how's about you enlighten me about something you might think is good instead of acting like an elitist snob!

They'll admonish those who are ignorant about the differences between a bacteria and a virus and then mockingly explain it to you while repeating: "I can't believe you didn't know that!" - Yeah, thanks for pseudo- trying to help. I may not get sick now, but I'm definitely sick of you. And guess what? You are a know-it-all! Being smart doesn't redeem the self righteous unpleasantness of your character.

They'll be attracted to you because being around you, only makes them look more well rounded and "cultured"- Don't you dare smile to yourself when you think about how your group is eccentric and cool because it's peppered with gay people, first-generation Americans, a random old guy with a soul patch, and a really hot chick who never wears pants. Friends don't treat friends like accessories.

They'll try to act like they are so open minded for the purpose of wanting to learn, and then one day insult you to your face because you haven't lived the life that they have- You are just as small as everyone else. You may have had the opportunity to experience something that should have been a chance to learn what the lives of others are like, but you haven't grown from it. You are not better than anyone else if you find a way to attain knowledge, and then use it to make others feel insignificant. You have wasted the fruitful benefits of social exploration for the petty chance to hurt others with it.You've met interesting people. You've traveled. But the whole time you were thinking about how "Worldly" and "Culturally Elevated" you would henceforth appear to be. You didn't gain any semblance of an expanding horizon. And that is the difference between knowledge and wisdom.

Wisdom is using what you have learned for the purpose of bettering. Better yourself, Enlighten someone else, Be Inspired by what life allows you to see and do. You are not entitled to anything in this world. So consider yourself Lucky, and be gracious enough to not belittle those who are ignorant, or disadvantaged compared to you, but share with them what you have learned from your own experience.

Hey, It's me in '04!

HERE IS an incredible picture of me during my most awkward stage of life!

Not saying I'm a winner now, but I can look back at this particular photo and remember how goofy I was.

I had a Xanga Page. I wanted to be a stand up comic. I thought it was cute to post overzealous mugshots as profile pictures. I called myself Pauline aka BiggieSh0rtii aka Pnk*Bunni aka crazygrll. (oh brother)

Everything I did back then was a product of peer influence. I wore tight jeans that cut off my belly (as my mom would say lol), I rocked really shiny lipgloss that sparkled in the sun (I was also an ardent body glitter enthusiast). I affected an ignorant way of talking when I was around certain people. And if that isn't foolish enough, thought I could seduce older men with my super thin eyebrows! In essence, I was 14 years old.

Nearly 6 years have passed since then and I am about to turn 20 in 2 weeks. Although the years have passed and I have shed my insecure oddities I'm sure I'm still quite a joke.

We shall see 6 years from now...

LOC TOC: First Time Loctitian

N0V 23, 2009

THIS IS a photo of my starter locks on the day I started them. I was so hopeful. >.<

I don't have any current (2wks later) pictures, but they pretty much look like this right now.

In RELATED news: My friend Deneyia let me retwist her locs for her. Hers are a very mature 6 yrs old (wouldn't life be so anticlimactic if we matured at 6?) and they are grown women who have plenty of stories to tell.

Being a first time loctitian, I actually found it very simple to do,and it only took me two hrs complete her whole head. Even though hers are twisted in different directions. But all the same, I'm glad she allowed me to use her as a guinea pig!

Who's Real and Who's not?

SO I WAS watching some Solange videos on YouTube when I looked down in the comments section and noticed some hateful words about her sis, Beyonce.

I love both Beyonce and Solange, They each have their own styles and I see them as two individual artists. However a lot of people are pitting the two against each other and saying that Solange is "realer" than Beyonce.

Okay. I can see how they think Solange is a little more outside of the box than Beyonce. She writes songs about personal things in her life whereas Beyonce writes music for a wider audience. Solange is willing to rock a shaved head when Beyonce would go under massive scrutiny just for taking off her wig.

Beyonce has diva qualities, yes. And her career is much longer and more prominent than her younger sister's, but I wouldn't say that either one is realer than the other.

Which brings me to another point:

How the hell do we define real anyway? Just because an artist becomes successful in terms of record sales, worldwide acclaim and Grammy wins, gets more radio play or decides to vary their style in some way, we as the audience take it upon ourselves to question their authenticity.

"Oh [insert artist here] was good before they went mainstream!"

You can't be mad at an artist for blowing up. Why do fans abandon musicians for gaining popularity?

CHAI:

TODAY IS COLD . To a surprising extent. Which is why on my way back from my volunteer job I decided to stop and grab something hot to drink. While waiting in line I noticed an older woman in a blue coat looking at the menu and muttering to herself. I glanced at her in recognition and took my place in ine behind her. She told me to go ahead in front of her.

“ I’m still trying to make my mind up,” she said smiling sweetly. I smiled back, nodded said ok and got in front of her.

I had been trying to get into the friendly warmth of Philly culture for the almost two months that I’ve been here, making small talk with strangers, observing the camaraderie between men, and the reverence they display towards women and the elderly.

“I just need something warm. It’s so cold out,” I added, looking back at the woman in my best ‘talk about the weather‘ voice.

“Yeah,” she responded, “My friend told me about something that’s not coffee— it’s a tea, but it sorta tastes like coffee,”

“Is it Chai?” I cut in.

Her eyes widened and I could see her cataracts behind her oval glasses. Her mouth became a grin filled with gleeful old teeth and framed by tiny wisps of facial hair.

“How did you know?” she cried jovially.

“Um,” I said, not knowing what to say.

“I have been trying to remember the name of it, but I just couldn’t and then you come along! God really does answer prayers!”

I didn’t understand why, and I felt like this was an overstatement, but as she went on, exclaiming her happiness; I began to feel really happy for her. Although it was a small request, it seemed to make a difference to her, and I was glad to have been a part of that. I wanted to celebrate too, so I ordered a Chai and I thanked God for all the blessings I’ve had; even the little ones.

As we parted ways she told me to have a blessed day and I told her to enjoy her weekend. I feel like that was an inspiring encounter, though brief and possibly trivial. But it made me want to record it and remember to value the tiny wisps of clarity and all the things we are granted in life.

NOTE: I wrote this story in October and posted it on my Tumblr blog. I decided it fit better on this blog so I've moved it here.

LOC TOC: I hope this works.

THE BABIES were misbehaving. Because of the length, or lack thereof, a lot of these little coils in the front were getting loose and I feared they will never loc at this point. So I decided to take them out and braid them so they would be tighter. I don't know if it's wise to have some braided and the rest coiled but this entire journey of 12 days thus far has been one of trial and error I guess.

(I don't even have to tell you about when I tried to use Murray's Pomade to twist them in the beginning. FAIL.)

So I hope everything will go well with my semi-braid locked solution. But you know, the whole point of going natural is beginning to get lost in all this care, maintenance and unnecessary concern.

All in all, every journey is unique. What will be will be and I will deal accordingly with whatever situation my hair gets me into.

A journey is a person in itself; no two are alike. And all plans, safeguards, policing, and coercion are fruitless. We find that after years of struggle that we do not take a trip; a trip takes us.

-John Steinbeck

Oddity: Homophobic, Illiterate, Doctor!

MY FRIEND and I came across this sign on a traffic light post in Philadelphia a few weeks ago on Broad Street.

What Homophobe with poor spelling managed to get his PhD and decided to use this for the good of spreading messages like this?

I thought this was funny at first, but then I came to the eerie realization that this guy was probably serious. It isn't as bad just to think like this; but to make a sign and post it on the street in the hopes to influence others? Is there a band of these people somewhere?

A tiny speck of my hope in humanity has crumbled.

...Finals

I really need to stop procrastinating and get my work done.

I don't seem to respect the lack of drive and ambition;

yet, if I could have it my way, I would drop everything and just get a job in a bookstore or something.

I'll Get there, It better be Worth the trip. by John Donovan

Yes. This is one of those late 60's coming of age joints about self discovery, budding sexuality, and all those things in the vein of Judy Blume's, "Are you there God? It's me, Margaret."

But this book was real talk when I was around 13 and 14 years old. And It's not filled with self pity like "The Catcher in the Rye" or "Perks of being a Wallflower"

I really miss this genre of books.

Tiger Woods

I ACTUALLY FEEL bad for him right now. Everyone chalked him up to be a good guy and now all the women have lost hope because he cheated.

I don't know what to think. For one thing, I don't idolize celebs enough to invest all my faith in love, morals, and fidelity in them. He's human.

Dr. Martin Luther King cheated on Corretta Scott plenty of times, and we don't talk about that. But then again he was out preaching the word and bringing races together fighting for the greater good.

So Tiger, I suggest you put the club down and start doing charity work or something. At least give your girl the Kobe Special for putting up with this mess.

He'll be alright. Most of his fans are men, so you know it's whatever.

LOC TOC: Patiently waiting.

I want my hair to grow already so I can at least have the option of doing something stupid cute with it! I wouldn't do this but I love the way it looks!

Men: Guys Who Holla and the Women Who Don't Appreciate Them

WHEN A YOUNG lady such as myself is walking down the street, it is not particularly out of the ordinary to gain the attention of a man who happens to pass by.

From my experience, if he were in NJ he would say something like " Hey, yellow purse! gray leggings! hey girl!..." [no response from me] ":sucks teeth: you ugly anyway!"

eyeroll..... It's easy to ignore a rude guy on the basis that he's rude.* It doesn't matter that you wouldn't date him anyway since he's dressed all wrong, probably too old or too young, and doesnt seem to have his ish together. But you really don't have to take all that into consideration because he came spitting entirely the wrong game.

In Philly however, they seem to read from a different script. Besides the bums commenting on my figure in center city, there seems to be an influx of polite, I daresay respectful, men who otherwise would never get a second glance passing my way on the street.

Today one of them politely inquired "how you doing today?" while I passed. I looked back to see a rough looking, not necessarily attractive, thick beard having, short, middle aged, Black man, and didn't know how to respond. I said nothing.

He made me question my own quality of civility. Here we women ask for politeness as if we are non superficial beings, and I could not give a second glance to this man simply because of appearance. he was not rude, yet my eyes told me he was unnattractive, unkempt, yet not uncouth.... so what is it that we are looking for?

Men can approach women like they do in the movies and just say "hi. I'm so- and-so" and that takes a lot of guts to initiate a conversation like that, but this effort is barely ever appreciated and probably yields no such fruition at all.

So men, since I have no idea how to approach a woman successfully i ask, what seems to work for you?

*an example of this type of instance can be found in the youtube documentary, BLACK WOMAN WALKING. In it, several women recount the daily annoyance of having men cat call them as they go about their business. I don't necessarily agree with these women as the demonize males, particularly Black men, for "hollering" at them, but this video may give some insight into what it is that occurs in the arena of males chasing females and the utter disrespect that results from poor communication, tactlessness and simple cultural nuances.

LOC TOC: cloveham and fawning (sounds like street names

I STARTED the so called "loc journey" of my hair exactly a week ago on Tuesday, November 24th, 2009.

Without planning to document the whole thing as it is often done on youtube and various hair blogs, I didnt take any pictures, or really plan what I'm about to say right now in this blog post.

But what I would like to do is document some of the things i've experienced so far and answer some of the questions I've been asked, or that you might wonder about.Or that I might wonder about in the future and come back to read here.

I started the twists spontaneously. Lisa texted me saying "just twist it up already!" and so I did. It took me about 4 hours to finish and I did not go to bed until 2am on Wednesday morning. I used Organic Roots Stimulator Lock and Twist Gel because lots of people use it and it was cheaper than Jamaican Mango and Lime.

Now done up, my pre-locs are getting attention from various dread heads and dread admirers around school and at my after school volunteer work.

It's nice to recieve tips and guidance from people who appreciate the art of hair and locs and stuff like that. I'm no expert on this and I feel like my someday-locs are children being raised by a village.

Right now they are dawning on the awkward stage. In the beginning, my head looked like a cloved ham because of the sections with little nubs sticking out. They are beginning to fluff up, and stick in all directions, also, as it is recommended to not wash babylocs until about 6 weeks after they are done, they are quite ITCHY.

5 more weeks until a wash and retwist :0

still this is fun, and I can't wait to see how my babies progress!